One thing I have noticed working with teenagers is there seems to be a major gap between teens and adults. I’m not just talking about age, but rather understanding. I’ve heard adults say, “kids are just too soft these days, they’re disrespectful” or I’ve heard kids say, “they just don’t care about me.” I’ve come to learn that the younger generation feels completely misunderstood.
Times have changed and they are ever-so changing! What can we do to bridge the gap between the older and younger generations? A lot of the problems can be solved through genuine connection, understanding, and honest conversation. Building a strong relationship with a teenager often takes time and effort, but it’s well worth it for the meaningful connections and understanding you can achieve. Here are some tips that may help to bridge the gap with your teen.
Teenagers want to feel heard and understood. Practice active listening by giving them your full attention, making eye contact, and reflecting back what you’ve heard. Keep lines of communication open and encourage them to share their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment or reprimand. Some may feel big feelings, and that’s okay. We have to allow them to feel those feelings and help encourage them to self-regulate in a non-destructive way.
Allow them to have their own space and respect their boundaries. Intruding too much can lead to resistance. Acknowledge and respect their developing identity, whether it’s related to their beliefs, interests, or self-expression. Support their efforts to become more self-reliant and make their own decisions, even if it means letting them face some natural consequences.
Teens can sense when someone is being inauthentic. Be yourself, share your own experiences, and be honest about your thoughts and feelings.
Discover what they are passionate about, whether it’s music, sports, gaming, or movies. Showing interest in their hobbies can create common ground. Spend quality time together doing activities you both enjoy. Shared experiences can strengthen your connection.
A sense of humor can go a long way in breaking the ice. Light-hearted jokes and playful interactions can make conversations more enjoyable. A lot of teens are very insecure in their own skin and they will openly say that or show it. Have you tried taking a picture with a teen lately? They seem to cover their faces. They are trying to navigate so many emotions and hormones.
While allowing them space to grow, be available for support and guidance when they seek it. Share your advice in a way that respects their growing autonomy. Teenagers are navigating a lot of changes and may make mistakes. Approach their experiences with empathy rather than criticism. Hold them accountable to learn and to take responsibility. These tips are shared with love and respect. They have been gathered not only from research, but also from experience. Teens seem to respond well when we are showing up consistently with authenticity and love.
Haylee McBride
Be The Change Permian Basin
Executive Director